A crown is not your identity but an opportunity and the outcome does not determine your future potential. Although being a titleholder does come with some glamorous perks, it also affords you the incredible opportunity to have influence on people and make a lasting impact in their lives. That literally seems impossible. But I will tell you, comparison will kill you and it will do nothing to help you in your quest for the crown. With different talents, different strengths, different weaknesses, different backgrounds and different stories.
So before you get all defensive, breathe, take off the armor and be a friend. Think of it like golf. You are all going through the same competition, but individually. Stay in your lane and keep looking forward.
And again, the things we learn and experience in pageant land are meant to be translated to our every day lives so we can live meaningful lives with greater influence. And guess what happened? I won the whole thing. I have met some of my best friends from pageants and I want to challenge you to knock down any barriers that are preventing you from getting close to girls. Be kind, care about people, be a friend.
This one hurts, but sometimes you actually learn more from losing and often times that is a bigger win than the crown. See 4. Figure out who you are and then rock it. How many times have you tried to figure out what they are looking for and then tried to force yourself into that perceived mold because you wanted the crown so bad? If it is going to consume their whole lives then we would recommend not putting your child in pageants.
Unlike many activities that children are in if they win a beauty pageant they can end up winning a good size financial reward. These rewards have been a couple of hundred dollars to thousands of dollars for one pageant. This money can be put into a savings account for them to use when they get older. This money can end up helping paying for a car, a school laptop or even college tuition.
Even if you think that pageants are great for teaching life skills, a financial reward is never a bad incentive too. A downfall that comes with being in the pageant world is it is all about looks. Sure there are the talent portion of the pageant, but overall it comes down to who dressed better.
Over time this will teach your child that people only care about looks. This can make your child superficial and want to start wearing their pageant makeup in their everyday lives since that is what they think is beautiful.
If you are thinking about putting your child in a pageant make sure you take time to talk to them about how looks are not everything. The best thing about beauty pageants are that they will teach your little one confidence. This confidence that they will learn on stage and in competition is something they will carry with them for the rest of their lives.
From pushing themselves to do well in school to wanting to be able to stand up for themselves, all of this confidence will be traced back to when they were in pageants. So boost your little one's confidence and enroll them in your town's next pageant and see how much they grow. Jessica has been writing her whole life. She even graduated from college with a bachelor's in Creative Writing and Communication to enhance her skills. When she is not writing you can find her playing with her many animals, drawing, or baking in the kitchen.
Find more of her work on her blog changethestarz. I was a Queen. I stood taller, my confidence grew and I felt an immense pride in the young woman I was becoming. And, suddenly, I was with a different group of women — other Queens. We traveled to parades, events, and other pageants together. We cheered each other on, called each other for support and enjoyed being together. You have a choice of who you surround yourself with.
Be a Queen and surround yourself with Queens. In my experience on the pageant circuit, Miss Congeniality never won the crown. As an adult, I find this to be true in life. I spent many years working hard to be the nice girl. It was not effortless. I left my own path to go with the crowd. I worked hard to please others while letting myself down. I put my own desires on the back burner to not rock the boat. I wanted people to like me SO bad. If people liked me, then I could like myself, right?
If people liked me, I could be a huge success, right? You serve the world and yourself best when you stop trying to win Miss Congeniality and start being Miss You! If you choose to go after a goal, there will be people in the peanut gallery offering you their opinion.
The kindest thing you can do for yourself and others is be true to yourself and let others be who they are. Anything else is exhausting. Miss Congeniality never wins.
Focus on liking yourself, not others liking you. When I was called out as 2nd runner up that third year at the North Carolina Rhododendron Festival, I became engulfed with jealousy towards the winner.
I told myself that she cheated. And she was a terrible person. The other truth was, that secretly, I envied her — her talent, charisma, and ability to shine. That feeling ate at me for a year while she traveled the state sharing her brilliance. That girl gave me a huge gift. She showed me areas that I wanted to grow and improve upon.
She highlighted parts of myself that I wanted to let go and the doubt I needed to overcome. Her success paved the way for my own. The very next year, after obsessing about this girl and studying her every move, I took what she had taught me and won my very next crown. And, it only hurts you. Instead, look at what she is showing that you want in your own life. I have been to hell and back around my weight and food issues. I am finally in a place where I am at complete peace around this area.
Her comment said everything about her and nothing about me. Extend her compassion. Love her from afar. Stay in your light. This mentality has created a female culture of constant comparison, competition, and cattiness. Yet, when she thinks it does, things turn ugly. One of my clients was devastated when she discovered her best friend was talking about her behind her back. She has taken nothing from you. Email her and tell them what you admire about her. Life is truly like a boomerang.
What you throw out comes back. Instead, choose to feel proud of yourself. There is more than enough success to go around. Let her success inspire your own. In fact, we were a lot alike.
She owned her space, spoke with confidence, held her head high and shared with us her greatest beauty — herself. Your essence is everything. How can you put it into practice this week? Which one do you feel like you have mastered? Dear Tonya, This is my favourite, and I feel most important article that you have written, by far!
Thank you, thank you, thank you! I feel like all women of the world should read this, especially the part about success of others being an inspiration, not a source of envy.
And your story about your school friends mis-treating you resonated so deeply, as similar incidents happened to me. I even developed a mental pattern of checking myself whenever I felt incredibly happy. Because shining too brightly always seemed to mean that someone was going to come along to stop it, one way or another. And I am certain that most of us went through something similar. I love how you encourage action, but most of all kindness and understanding.
May you spread your shine for many, many years to come! Warmest regards, Marija x. Marija, I'm so happy to hear that you enjoyed this article. Yes, it's those little things buried in our subconscious that can stop us from shining brightly and serving big. As I tell my clients, doubt the doubt and show up in your life. And, it's scary sometimes but oh so worth it. Lots of love! I loved this article!!
I completely agree with what Marija said about mentally checking myself whenever I was too happy so that I wouldn't shine too brightly I was devastated how the girls I thought were my friends had turned on me like a pack of wild dogs: I love the lessons you learned and have saved this article to ponder over the next few days!!!
Bless you!!! My fellow pageant gal ;. I've come to learn that when we are insecure, we're easily threatened. And, as teenagers, I think our insecurity runs rampant. As adult women, I hope that we can see through the illusions of competition and truly learn to support and celebrate each other.
I agree with Marija that this is by far the most important and for me personally valuable post to date. And that is saying something as discovering this blog has led to some amazing life changes for me.
Growing up too in the Deep South Mississippi we are taught manners that today prove more damaging than not such as apologizing even when it isn't warranted or taking up too much space.
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